Job search sites

Can someone please, PLEASE, PLEASE, explain to me what good most of the internet job search sites are?

1) They are all so freaking slow, it's a good thing I'm unemployed... I wouldn't have enough time to wait for them otherwise! Are they running some weird kind of web server software on an old 286 with 128K of RAM and a 10 Meg hard drive connected via 9600-baud dial up?!?

B) Half of more of what they list is in no possible way, shape, or form related to the search criteria I've entered. When is the last time you were looking for a job schlepping bark mulch at Home Depot so you entered the term "call center" into the search box?!? Better yet, many of the medical job search sites list and/or describe the town the job is in when entering info into the JOB DESCRIPTION field! I DON'T WANT A TRAVEL REVIEW, JUST TELL ME WHAT THE DAMN JOB IS!

III) Degree snobs - you know these people... the ones who think that if you have a Masters Of Basket Weaving degree, you know more about IT than someone with, say, 20 years direct experience in the field. My question about these people is, how do they survive with their heads stuck SO FAR up their butt holes? How in God's name can someone go get a two-year AA degree in, say, phys-ed... or better yet "liberal arts" (which really just meant that they learned how to funnel 16 ounces of beer down their throat in five seconds or less and got good enough they didn't spill a drop by the end of the second year), and be considered more qualified at ANYTHING (let alone something requiring mental acuity), than someone with GENUINE EXPERIENCE?!? Don't get me wrong, book learning and furthering your education are great things. But if I have to trip over another college "educated" turd in a computer job who doesn't know an Apple computer from Apple Corps (oh, just Let It Be!), from a brown rotting apple core, from a boat anchor, or from a banana, I may just kick them in the genitals for the pure joy of it. When you hear me laughing maniacally afterwards, please don't have me hauled away to the funny farm. They don't like me there... I took over last time I was there. You can call me Prot.

4) How is it that almost all jobs worth having (IE: not flipping burgers or pushing brooms) require YEARS of experience, whether you have schooling for the position or not, yet no one ever lets you in the door to GET the experience?!? How do I get a freaking visit from the EXPERIENCE FAIRY to help me out?!? Hello, McFly? Is anyone home?!?

E) Why are half of the listings on a job site for listings on other job sites?!? Talk about exponentially over exaggerating the number of jobs available. What's really fun is when America's Job Blank sends you to Career Bleeder, which sends you (when it works, half of these type of links don't with them) Yoohoo, which, sometimes sends you to Munster. Holy freaking circle jerk, Batman! Is there a job here, or are we just generating web hits???

VI) Has anyone ever successfully gotten in coherent contact with an employer via one of these "services" anyway? I've gotten voice mails (how do they know to call just after I leave home?), but no one ever returns my return voice mails (speaking of circle jerks). Is someone just getting paid by how much busy work they create by having poor schmucks respond to ads and then pretending to offer them a job?!?

No, I'm not paranoid, just frustrated and facetious. But it's easy to see how someone who isn't quite mentally balanced can become convinced the world is out to get them.

Besides, remember... paranoia is just a heightened state of awareness.